FREE ESSAY ON SELF & IDENTITY

SELF & IDENTITY

Essay Option #5
Self and Identity
The better which a person develops an understanding of themselves and of the other people
around them, the better able they will be able to develop intimate relationships. A
person who has a negative model of self and has a negative model of others , otherwise
known as Fearful, is going to shy away from attachment and be socially avoidant which
obviously is going to affect the crisis of intimacy versus isolation. The example
describes a person who is hesitant to make long term commitments and resists urges to
display intimacy, but is capable of forming a dependency on him by the other in the
relationship. A Preoccupied person has a negative self model and a positive model of
others. They often tend to be overly dependent and ambivalent. The example suggests a
person who might be shy and conservative but is capable of not displaying their awkward
feelings to the other person. A Secure individual has a positive model of self and
others. They are comfortable with intimacy and autonomy and often do not have a difficult
time in forming intimate relationships. The example describes this person as someone who
is very capable of healthy relationships and good communication skills. It seems like a
secure person has all the good qualities that any relationship requires. And finally, a
Dismissing person has a positive model of self but a negative model of others. They are
characterized by denying attachment and their counter dependency. All of the differences
among the different models result from past experiences in the individual's life. How
they were raised in terms of different parenting styles and methods of child raising
affect an individuals internal working models of self and others.
Attachment styles of Secure individuals are described as passionate and selfless. They
have high levels of intimacy, passion and are very committed and able to be trusted. This
reminds me of the perfect girlfriend. I don't see a lot of jealously and bizarre head
games coming from a secure person. They are highly self confident and low on self
consciousness with their partner. They tend not to fear being close to another person and
yet are not likely to go out of their mind when things don't feel right. Avoidant people
are known for their head games. They tend to be low in terms of intimacy, passion and
commitment. This reminds me of a relationship my roomate has with his girlfriend. They
are both madly in love with each other and yet all they do is fight over stupid little
game they play with each other. Neither one of them are faithful to the other and they
rarely speak encouragingly of their relationship. They are both very self conscious and
yet still interdependent on each other for support. An Ambivalent person tends to be very
possessive of other individuals in a relationship with them. They tend not to be very
passionate and trustworthy in terms of commitment. As its described in the worksheet that
they are high on pre occupation, dependence, and idealization. They are known to be self
conscious and yet still willing to initiate intimate relationships.
Differences in internal working models of self and others as well as differences in
attachment styles can be accredited to various influences. For example secure individuals
have memories of their parents being warm and affectionate while Ambivalent people tend
to remember their father being unfair. Differences in attachment beliefs and attitudes
such as the amount of self doubts and self worth one has and ones ability to understand
others are obvious from secure to ambivalent. Secure people tend to feel that others are
trustworthy and dependable while avoidant folks think that social situations are
difficult to understand. And finally while avoidant people need to maintain distance in
relationships, secure and ambivalent people desire intimate relationships but vary in
degree of intimacy. These differences stem from the individuals perception of others and
where he/she fits into reality. People act how they think they are suppose to, so their
perception of reality is a major factor in determining how they act in , and while
establishing intimate relationships.
Identity achievement comes from many years of exploring different roles and
personalities. Like we discussed in class individuals can change their attitudes and
personalities almost daily. As the person is trying new things he/she is also taking cues
form society as to which role or personality they fit best. How and individual perceives
these cues will determine how they choose which personality or role is right for them. As
we move from secure people to ambivalent we can see varying levels of self consciousness
and self worth. These two characteristics are primary in forming intimacy. A persons
internal working models are directly affecting that persons ability to perceive reality
which is essentially the struggle for identity. So as the characteristics of self and
others as well as attachment styles, are approaching security, strength, worth, and
importance the better able that person is at creating, maintaining, and enjoying
themselves