FREE ESSAY ON THE SINS OF THE FATHER

THE SINS OF THE FATHER

The Sins of the Father
What happens to children severely traumatized or neglected during the first years of
life? This is an infinite topic, so the focus of this exploration will be limited to
three personality disorders. The symptoms of these personality disorders are diagnosed in
adulthood, but their roots lie in the first 4 years of life. Erikson's growth stages of
trust vs. mistrust and autonomy vs. self-doubt will form the foundation for
understanding. When a child is exposed to abusive, pathological parenting during these
development stages the result is often a personality disorder. Personality disorders are
enduring patterns of perception, which are maladaptive and cause significant functional
impairment and/or subjective distress according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
of Mental Disorders, edition 4. These disorders affect approximately 3% of our population
and the number is probably significantly higher, except that many go undiagnosed. These
people often suffer extraordinarily throughout an entire lifetime and cause a great deal
of suffering to those who love and interact with them. It is my intent to provide a
general understanding of the people afflicted with these disorders. But more importantly,
the causes that take place during infancy so that possibly some day the diseases can be
eradicated. 
I will begin with the infant who is unable to be successfully fed and soothed at birth.
Infants have very minimal needs but each need is crucial. The failure to meet any of
these needs causes significant difficulty in adulthood. Infants are completely helpless;
a tiny baby is unable to think for itself. Almost all feelings are intense and require
adult intervention to help the infant manage the intensity. Lastly, the infant has
absolutely no physical ability to do anything for itself including any mobility. Take a
moment to try and imagine total helplessness and dependency on another for everything,
hunger, comfort, warmth, communication and even the ability to calm oneself. 
An infant is born in a symbiotic state in which it is unable to differentiate between
itself and the primary care giver. This is the foundation of trust. The caregiver must
anticipate the needs of the infant and be able to interpret non-verbal clues, since the
infant has no verbal communication skills. When a primary caregiver is unable to sense
when the infant is hungry forces the infant into a panic. A pathological caregiver may
either join in the infant's panic or ignore it. Both of these responses produce a
hysterical infant in physical pain and extreme psychological distress. If the caregiver
is unable to respond to the infant, the feelings of helplessness become a predominant
part of the infant's experience. The infant cries and cries, or withdraws, forming the
experiential belief that it cannot survive or find stability. This is the very core of
mistrust. The infant learns to mistrust the caregiver and internalizes the experience so
as to mistrust itself. Remember the infant is unable to differentiate between the
caregiver and itself. This is the foundation of significant distress and an inability to
achieve a secure bond that in turn will be transferred to every relationship it has
throughout life. The conflict of desperately needing to depend on another but being
unable to trust another has begun formation. The conflict is then acted out throughout
life in an attempt to resolve it. This inability to form a confident reliance in a
primary relationship produces the basic underlying pathology for borderline, narcissistic
and paranoid personality disorders. Significant characteristics of the borderline
personality disorder include patterns of unstable and intense interpersonal
relationships, characterized by alternating between extremes of devaluation and
over-idealization. A similar characteristic of the narcissistic personality disorder is
continuous exploitation throughout the life of interpersonal relationships in order to
achieve his or her needs with no concern for the needs of a partner. The narcissist also
maintains a pre-occupation with fantasies of ideal love relationships and holds his or
her partner responsible for all failures in the liaison. This pattern of an inability to
trust is most predominantly displayed in the paranoid personality where interpersonal
relationships, when they can exist, are marked by unjustified feelings of being exploited
and constant doubt of a partners sincerity and loyalty with out justification 
Due to the very nature of the personality disorder these patterns are pervasive in the
effected person's life. Certainly the temperament of the infant must be taken into
account before changes can be made in the infant's external life that will alter, and
encourage or discourage these pathologies. It is imperative to meet the needs of an
infant from 0-6 months to prevent this constant mistrust from becoming a prevalent part
of the infant's experiential life. As the infant increases in age and is more able to
have physical mobility and verbal skills, the need for autonomy rises. A pathological
parent, who, his or herself is too needy, is very likely to feel threatened by the
child's need to be separate. If the primary caregiver is overly anxious about the child
trying tasks on his or her own the child internalizes this anxiety and becomes afraid
also. This is an additional impairment in the child/caregiver relationship. The needs of
the parent are being met but not the needs of the child. The child learns its purpose is
to soothe the caregiver and subjugate itself into the service of the caregiver for
survival. The other alternative is a parent who constantly rewards the infant who
attempts tasks but fails to set any realistic limitations. In either case the infant
cannot begin to form realistic expectations in relationships where one person can depend
on another. It is important to note that personality disorders are not formed from just
one or two mistakes or traumatic events. Personality disorders are formed when the
pathological interaction is omnipresent. This is the reason these people are later
effected in all aspects of their lives. They literally see the world through eyes, which
are continually distorted and reinforce the conflicts, which are already present.
Conflicts of trust vs. mistrust and autonomy vs. shame are so painful that the entire
thrust of life is devoted to resolving this on going dilemma. 
Glen O Gabbard said a patient suffering from a borderline personality disorder once told
him, "Life was just one enormous obstacle course after another." Often a person suffering
with the effects a borderline personality disorder is unable to contain his or her
emotions and has massive mood shifts. These feelings are reactivated from infancy when
the primary caregiver was unable to soothe the infant, which now leaves an adult unable
to calm itself. The borderline constantly searches for an interpersonal relationship,
which will provide the parenting they are so desperately in need of. At the point a
fragile bond forms, the borderline transfers all the fears of intimacy and the rage of
being denied to the new partner. Desperate feelings of abandonment keep the borderline
involved and the infancy conflicts of mistrust and shame get acted out and reinforced all
over again. This only strengthens the pathology that already exists in the borderline
personality. Intimate bonding is the primary drive of life so this pathological process
continues. It is of key importance to realize that this is the only way the borderline
knows to love. If all hope of resolving these "love" conflicts is lost, a state of total
despair envelops the borderline and suicidal ideations are present. 
This same conflict of a need to trust, but an inability to do so, is displayed quite
differently in the narcissist. The narcissist operates with an insatiable appetite. The
infant rarely experiences satiation due to a lack of limitations being put in place by a
competent caregiver who can help the infant manage rage, the narcissist sees each
potential interpersonal relationship as someone to feed off of. The narcissist has no
ability to trust the potential mate. This pathology allows the narcissistic person to use
a mate as a primary object much as the infant does a primary caregiver. The narcissist,
like the infant, is incapable of empathy, and life and love become a feeding frenzy. This
is also an infant, in which no limitations were set during the developmental stage of
autonomy, resulting in adult who is constantly seeking more. Sadly, the narcissist
genuinely believes he or she deserves infinite power, praise, and love. All others are
valueless and inconsequential. People are treated identically to objects and used purely
as pleasure devices. 
Last is the paranoid personality, who projects an inability to trust onto every
relationship. These infants were not only left hungry but also usually neglected severely
during the autonomous stage. They received no parental feedback other than possibly that
of annoyance. The paranoid seeks minimal bonds but is never able to believe the other
person to be anything but exploitive and disingenuous. They distort simple situations
into plots against them. These beliefs perpetuate themselves reinforcing the paranoid's
belief that everyone uses everyone. They appear to have some autonomy but it is really
resentment about being emotionally starved and neglected as an infant. `These adults are
quick to anger and unable to trust another enough to be soothed. They do not possess the
ability to soothe themselves; therefore the paranoid indulges in his or her anger as a
defense against the need for satisfaction and love.
Treatment of personality disorders is long and tedious and demands the therapist have a
strong self-identity. People who suffer from a personality disorder do not have a few
traumatic events, which periodically interfere with their lives. They live a pervasive
pattern of mistrust and shame. They do not possess a sense of themselves that is
comforting and reinforcing. They possess exactly the opposite, which is often transferred
onto others and reenacted because they have very little separateness. Each type of
disorder causes the effected person to constantly reenact the failures in an attempt to
resolve the conflicts. The exact opposite usually happens reinforcing the dysfunction.
These significant personality disorders can be corrected by providing receptive,
emotionally available primary caregivers that teach the infant to trust and bond in a
primary relationship. A secure adult caregiver allows the infant to find autonomy with
limitations and the infant eventually begins to separate. The infant begins to form
empathy in order to achieve the closeness in bonding that it desires. This allows for
healthy personality development, which is then reinforced throughout life. These
disorders are infinitely more conducive to change during the formative years. Interactive
therapy between caregiver, therapist, and infant can produce substantive and sustained
changes which beak the sequence of psychopathology. If we as a society ever wish to
eradicate these extreme forms of mental illness we must provide effectual parental
education and make available therapeutic intervention without social stigma. 
The Sins of the Father
What happens to children severely traumatized or neglected during the first years of
life? This is an infinite topic, so the focus of this exploration will be limited to
three personality disorders. The symptoms of these personality disorders are diagnosed in
adulthood, but their roots lie in the first 4 years of life. Erikson's growth stages of
trust vs. mistrust and autonomy vs. self-doubt will form the foundation for
understanding. When a child is exposed to abusive, pathological parenting during these
development stages the result is often a personality disorder. Personality disorders are
enduring patterns of perception, which are maladaptive and cause significant functional
impairment and/or subjective distress according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
of Mental Disorders, edition 4. These disorders affect approximately 3% of our population
and the number is probably significantly higher, except that many go undiagnosed. These
people often suffer extraordinarily throughout an entire lifetime and cause a great deal
of suffering to those who love and interact with them. It is my intent to provide a
general understanding of the people afflicted with these disorders. But more importantly,
the causes that take place during infancy so that possibly some day the diseases can be
eradicated. 
I will begin with the infant who is unable to be successfully fed and soothed at birth.
Infants have very minimal needs but each need is crucial. The failure to meet any of
these needs causes significant difficulty in adulthood. Infants are completely helpless;
a tiny baby is unable to think for itself. Almost all feelings are intense and require
adult intervention to help the infant manage the intensity. Lastly, the infant has
absolutely no physical ability to do anything for itself including any mobility. Take a
moment to try and imagine total helplessness and dependency on another for everything,
hunger, comfort, warmth, communication and even the ability to calm oneself. 
An infant is born in a symbiotic state in which it is unable to differentiate between
itself and the primary care giver. This is the foundation of trust. The caregiver must
anticipate the needs of the infant and be able to interpret non-verbal clues, since the
infant has no verbal communication skills. When a primary caregiver is unable to sense
when the infant is hungry forces the infant into a panic. A pathological caregiver may
either join in the infant's panic or ignore it. Both of these responses produce a
hysterical infant in physical pain and extreme psychological distress. If the caregiver
is unable to respond to the infant, the feelings of helplessness become a predominant
part of the infant's experience. The infant cries and cries, or withdraws, forming the
experiential belief that it cannot survive or find stability. This is the very core of
mistrust. The infant learns to mistrust the caregiver and internalizes the experience so
as to mistrust itself. Remember the infant is unable to differentiate between the
caregiver and itself. This is the foundation of significant distress and an inability to
achieve a secure bond that in turn will be transferred to every relationship it has
throughout life. The conflict of desperately needing to depend on another but being
unable to trust another has begun formation. The conflict is then acted out throughout
life in an attempt to resolve it. This inability to form a confident reliance in a
primary relationship produces the basic underlying pathology for borderline, narcissistic
and paranoid personality disorders. Significant characteristics of the borderline
personality disorder include patterns of unstable and intense interpersonal
relationships, characterized by alternating between extremes of devaluation and
over-idealization. A similar characteristic of the narcissistic personality disorder is
continuous exploitation throughout the life of interpersonal relationships in order to
achieve his or her needs with no concern for the needs of a partner. The narcissist also
maintains a pre-occupation with fantasies of ideal love relationships and holds his or
her partner responsible for all failures in the liaison. This pattern of an inability to
trust is most predominantly displayed in the paranoid personality where interpersonal
relationships, when they can exist, are marked by unjustified feelings of being exploited
and constant doubt of a partners sincerity and loyalty with out justification 
Due to the very nature of the personality disorder these patterns are pervasive in the
effected person's life. Certainly the temperament of the infant must be taken into
account before changes can be made in the infant's external life that will alter, and
encourage or discourage these pathologies. It is imperative to meet the needs of an
infant from 0-6 months to prevent this constant mistrust from becoming a prevalent part
of the infant's experiential life. As the infant increases in age and is more able to
have physical mobility and verbal skills, the need for autonomy rises. A pathological
parent, who, his or herself is too needy, is very likely to feel threatened by the
child's need to be separate. If the primary caregiver is overly anxious about the child
trying tasks on his or her own the child internalizes this anxiety and becomes afraid
also. This is an additional impairment in the child/caregiver relationship. The needs of
the parent are being met but not the needs of the child. The child learns its purpose is
to soothe the caregiver and subjugate itself into the service of the caregiver for
survival. The other alternative is a parent who constantly rewards the infant who
attempts tasks but fails to set any realistic limitations. In either case the infant
cannot begin to form realistic expectations in relationships where one person can depend
on another. It is important to note that personality disorders are not formed from just
one or two mistakes or traumatic events. Personality disorders are formed when the
pathological interaction is omnipresent. This is the reason these people are later
effected in all aspects of their lives. They literally see the world through eyes, which
are continually distorted and reinforce the conflicts, which are already present.
Conflicts of trust vs. mistrust and autonomy vs. shame are so painful that the entire
thrust of life is devoted to resolving this on going dilemma. 
Glen O Gabbard said a patient suffering from a borderline personality disorder once told
him, "Life was just one enormous obstacle course after another." Often a person suffering
with the effects a borderline personality disorder is unable to contain his or her
emotions and has massive mood shifts. These feelings are reactivated from infancy when
the primary caregiver was unable to soothe the infant, which now leaves an adult unable
to calm itself. The borderline constantly searches for an interpersonal relationship,
which will provide the parenting they are so desperately in need of. At the point a
fragile bond forms, the borderline transfers all the fears of intimacy and the rage of
being denied to the new partner. Desperate feelings of abandonment keep the borderline
involved and the infancy conflicts of mistrust and shame get acted out and reinforced all
over again. This only strengthens the pathology that already exists in the borderline
personality. Intimate bonding is the primary drive of life so this pathological process
continues. It is of key importance to realize that this is the only way the borderline
knows to love. If all hope of resolving these "love" conflicts is lost, a state of total
despair envelops the borderline and suicidal ideations are present. 
This same conflict of a need to trust, but an inability to do so, is displayed quite
differently in the narcissist. The narcissist operates with an insatiable appetite. The
infant rarely experiences satiation due to a lack of limitations being put in place by a
competent caregiver who can help the infant manage rage, the narcissist sees each
potential interpersonal relationship as someone to feed off of. The narcissist has no
ability to trust the potential mate. This pathology allows the narcissistic person to use
a mate as a primary object much as the infant does a primary caregiver. The narcissist,
like the infant, is incapable of empathy, and life and love become a feeding frenzy. This
is also an infant, in which no limitations were set during the developmental stage of
autonomy, resulting in adult who is constantly seeking more. Sadly, the narcissist
genuinely believes he or she deserves infinite power, praise, and love. All others are
valueless and inconsequential. People are treated identically to objects and used purely
as pleasure devices. 
Last is the paranoid personality, who projects an inability to trust onto every
relationship. These infants were not only left hungry but also usually neglected severely
during the autonomous stage. They received no parental feedback other than possibly that
of annoyance. The paranoid seeks minimal bonds but is never able to believe the other
person to be anything but exploitive and disingenuous. They distort simple situations
into plots against them. These beliefs perpetuate themselves reinforcing the paranoid's
belief that everyone uses everyone. They appear to have some autonomy but it is really
resentment about being emotionally starved and neglected as an infant. `These adults are
quick to anger and unable to trust another enough to be soothed. They do not possess the
ability to soothe themselves; therefore the paranoid indulges in his or her anger as a
defense against the need for satisfaction and love.
Treatment of personality disorders is long and tedious and demands the therapist have a
strong self-identity. People who suffer from a personality disorder do not have a few
traumatic events, which periodically interfere with their lives. They live a pervasive
pattern of mistrust and shame. They do not possess a sense of themselves that is
comforting and reinforcing. They possess exactly the opposite, which is often transferred
onto others and reenacted because they have very little separateness. Each type of
disorder causes the effected person to constantly reenact the failures in an attempt to
resolve the conflicts. The exact opposite usually happens reinforcing the dysfunction.
These significant personality disorders can be corrected by providing receptive,
emotionally available primary caregivers that teach the infant to trust and bond in a
primary relationship. A secure adult caregiver allows the infant to find autonomy with
limitations and the infant eventually begins to separate. The infant begins to form
empathy in order to achieve the closeness in bonding that it desires. This allows for
healthy personality development, which is then reinforced throughout life. These
disorders are infinitely more conducive to change during the formative years. Interactive
therapy between caregiver, therapist, and infant can produce substantive and sustained
changes which beak the sequence of psychopathology. If we as a society ever wish to
eradicate these extreme forms of mental illness we must provide effectual parental
education and make available therapeutic intervention without social stigma. 
Bibliography:
Daley Shanon E Burge Dorli Hammen Constance Borderline personality disorders: Symptoms of
disfunction in young women Journal of abnormal psychology august 2000 volume 109 number
3
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Books, New York, N.Y.
Gabbard Glen O. MD, Psychodynamic psychiatry, copyright 2000 American Psyciatric press
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Gunderson, John G., "Borderline", copyright 1984, R.R. Donnelly and Sons, United States
of America.
Kohut, Heinz, "The Search for Self", volumes 3, 4, copyright 1991, International
Universities Press, New York, N.Y.
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personality disorder: A developmental self-and object relations winter 2000 Volume 17
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Dec 2000 Volume 95 number 6
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United States of America.